I am beginning to feel there’s no God. If there is, does he love me, care for me and have something great for me in store while I faced the kind of unpleasant childhood I had? The maltreatment and molestation I had to pass through?
It looks like from childhood we were made to believe in a being in order to create some level of discipline, orderliness and fear in us. Our parent, some who are atheist at heart, were made to believe what they made us to believe.
Life has really been so unfair to me, leaving me with a weary heart and a depressed soul. I was a handsome living corpse with a pretty cold smile but without a living soul.
My name’s Ayinla Edidiong, I am from Akwa Ibom State. As a child I had no proper home training, my parent especially my mother was forced to abandon me when I was branded a witch. You must have heard of several skolombo or street children who were branded witches, well I was one of them living at Lemna dumpsite at the outskirts of Calarbar.
By the time I was sixteen I bade my friends at Lemna dumpsite farewell for the town where I did all kinds of petty job but things never moved on so well. At a point I felt the villagers were right about me that “I was a witch”.
On a fateful afternoon after searching for a better job but couldn’t find one, I went into an uncompleted building for that was my new home. I felt really frustrated and deserted. I sat down for a long time on the cold cemented floor until I got stirred up by a croaked voice.
“who is there?” I asked but the reply I got was just the echoes of my voice. I stared at the wall as an evil thought crept into my mind “why don’t I blot myself out, rather than living a miserable life?”
I stood up and left the uncompleted building with the last money I had with me. I went to a local store and requested for rat poison then paid and went back to the uncompleted building. There I drank the whole of the poison meant for rats. After the action I took I could only remember falling asleep.
I don’t really know for how long I had slept but I just woke up weak in a hospital where I was informed by the nurse that the owner of the uncompleted building I was in brought me to the hospital..
The confused nurse, doctors and the young man who saved my life asked me.
“Why did you take suicide as your best option?” looking at them with a cold smile I replied.
“I didn’t take suicide as my best option neither did I kill myself, but my depressed long lost soul which I forgot to feed with the right positive energy did by leaving me before my time”.
They didn’t understand me, I guessed but there was something else I told them.
“Suicide act is more than a person killing one’s self it’s more of a person with a weak spirit or weak positive energy fighting a stronger force which has been feeding on the individuals depressed mind”.
Perplexed they asked me again “so how will you be able to get rid of suicide next time?” With another cold smile I replied “By feeding my mind and soul with positive thoughts and energy”…..