Truest Confession

By Igoche John Igoche 7 months ago

Chinedu entered Saint Theresa’s Catholic Church at about 8:00 am on Saturday. He genuflected as he stepped inside the church, and did the sign of the cross as he looked at the altar. He comported himself as he walked to the seat where people sat in a queue waiting for their time to go for confession. He sat close to the last person on the queue and knelt to pray. He prayed for three minutes and sat down on the bench. He looked at the direction of the priest who sat in front listening to a lady at the confessional.

He noticed that the person that sat beside him patted him, but he felt it was unintentional as such he didn’t respond. He paid attention to the activities that happened at the front as a lady finished confession and walked away from the confessional, and a man did the sign of the cross as he approached the confessional where the priest gestured. 

The man that replaced the lady at the confessional left a space on the queue and those on the queue shifted forward to fill the space. Chinedu also moved forward as he dragged his buttock on the bench to cover the space the person that sat beside him left when he moved forward. The person smiled as he looked at Chinedu when he moved, but Chinedu was unaware of his countenance as he didn’t look at him. The person patted him on his lap and Chinedu looked at the person as he turned, but he looked perplexed as he seemed not to recognize him even though the person smiled as their eyes met which indicated that the person knew him. Chinedu bent his head and closed one of his eyes as he tried to recollect whether he had met the person before, but he couldn’t figure out anything.

“Guy you no fit remember me?” Ebuka asked as he saw that Chinedu looked confused. Chinedu hissed and shook his head as he couldn’t remember him.

“Na wa to you oh, na so you dey forget person?” Ebuka grimaced. “Na you sit down next to me for here last week na; you don forget?” 

“Omo calm down now.” Chinedu lowered his voice as he looked around to see if those on the bench heard what Ebuka said. “Guy, na only you waka come here na; why you dey cast me? You want make them think say na every time I dey come here?”

“No be like that,” Ebuka extended his right hand as he explained. “Na dey coincidence dey baffle me.”

“You fit call am coincidence or anything.” Chinedu shook his head. “But no be dey kind one wey people dey celebrate be this; na dats why e suppose dey low key.”

“I get” Ebuka bent his neck a little as he scratched his head. He looked at Chinedu. “No be say I dey accuse you say na you kill Jesus oh or I wan condemn you, but na wetin dey happen; wetin dey make you frequent here na?”

“Omo, na which kind question come be this; na you come be the priest now? Abi na detective you be?”

“Detective keh; abi you go talk say detective dey look for me.”

“Shey na thief wey you no wan stop to dey thief dey carry you come here abi?” Chinedu asked.

“Omo calm down na; we dey quarrel?!” Ebuka rotated his eyes as he looked around. “Wetin you talk now come dey make me feel say these people wey no dey look me before don dey look me now,” he hissed. “Anyways, na small thiefing things.”

 “Thiefing get small one ma? Omo thiefing na thiefing.” Chinedu mocked him.

“I dey talk based on the category na, you no get,” Ebuka lowered his voice. “No be say I wan thief oh, but the temptation get as e dey come,” he hissed as he emphasized his point. “E follow me, na im I no come get alternative than to borrow the money from my neighbour, as e dey hot.”

“Then na borrow you borrow am na.” Chinedu sounded careless.

“Ah, you no dey feel me.” Ebuka shook his head. “Na this kind borrowing wey person wey get the money no know say you borrow am, and you wey borrow am no sure say you fit payback as you no fit get am, that kind thing.” He hissed and opened his eyes as he explained. “If God for provide for me, I for no change the position of the money when I see am inside my neigbhour room.”

“So you enter your neighbour room thief him money be that.” 

“No dey use that offensive word ‘thief’; I collect am. After all, the guy dey keep money anyhow as if him no need am.”

“I see.” Chinedu nodded his head.

“Which one come be your own na?” Ebuka asked.

“Omo my own, I no know wetin to call am oh. Na one girl like that no wan allow me rest.” He paused and hissed. “The girl too worry me; you know that kind thing now. She just dey call me say she wan come my house. Even though I say get behind me Satan, I discover say na me come dey behind dey follow Satan.”

“Omo, this your own na federal; so you no allow the girl come your house?”

“Na im I dey here? Omo she come now.”

“Na im you no fit resist the temptation?”

“No be say I no try oh, but this flesh wey you see ba, na bastard, e too weak; As she come eh, one kind thing like that come convince me say body no be firewood, na im one thing wey lead to another come make something happen.”

“Oboyi, you be badoo.” Ebuka whistled unconsciously then quickly looked around to see if anybody was distracted, but nobody looked at him.

People kept moving as others left to the confessional so Chinedu and Ebuka had to leave the back seat to the front seat, as such would have to stop talking as they would face the priest.

“Guy we go meet outside after confession because I wan sabi your neighbourhood; I feel say I get money to make for there.” Chinedu whispered as he followed Ebuka.

“No wahala; me ma go like to collect that girl number when we meet outside.” 

“Bat guy!” Chinedu laughed.

“Una never near to repent!” The lady in front of Ebuka shook her head and they looked surprised when they heard her.

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