QUESTIONING THE ILLUSION OF SOME MADE-IN-HEAVEN-WEDDINGS IN NIGERIA
Ladies, it is good to have a made-in-heaven-wedding, it is good to have that talk-of-the-town-wedding; the wedding that the story and its pictures appear on newspapers, magazines and gets everyone in town talking about it after that day. It is very wonderful for you to have those extraordinary wedding pictures by that super photographer, to appear on the national dailies, and you have them on the cover page of many magazines. Wouldn’t it be a great and mouth watery experience? Yes, it is great to have everybody talking about how extravagant your wedding was and how they were able to feel great and exceptional in your wedding but, why would you want to push your man into debt? You know in your heart of heart that he is not Dangote’s son and you are not Adeleke’s Daughter and he is not capable to handle what you dream of. Why would you want to push him into trouble? Would you want your husband to become poor after the wedding? You know he is not Adenuga and you are not Bill Gate’s Daughter! How would you feel after your wedding and your husband begins to run here and there to borrow money to pay back his debt or to borrow money so that you two can eat? Would you be happy to see him run from pillar to post because of the debt he incurred during your wedding? Yes, people will come, talk about the wedding, the grooving, enjoyment and all that but what matters is life after the wedding.
Your honeymoon may last for some weeks or some months in America, Dubai, and Paris or in Canada but after that, what next? What would you do when there is no food at home to eat? What would you do when people that your husband borrowed money from to make the wedding outstanding starts coming to disturb your peace? Moreover, it is not compulsory that people must talk about your wedding. Just have it in mind, whether you spent two billion naira in your wedding or you spend a hundred thousand in your wedding people must see one bad aspect of it.
Remember, wedding is just for a day and marriage is for a life time when everybody who came to your wedding is no more and you are left with your wife to cater for her then you may understand the whole scenarios. Your father and your mother will always come once or twice in a month or sometimes they don’t come at all, you have started building your own family and nobody cares what you make of it. Money won’t come rushing to you after the said wedding and you must work harder to provide and to feed your newly wedded wife and same people will be expecting to visit back after nine months for another celebration. What will your life and that of your new wife be after these nine months?
This Made-in-heaven wedding always gets the newly wedded couple into trouble and debt. It is always good to avoid it. It is always advisable to avoid unnecessary expenses during your wedding planning. It is better to work and plan with the budget at hand than to borrow money and end up running here and there trying to see how you could pay the money back. No woman should be in a position to force her man to do a wedding beyond his budget, you shouldn’t force him to organize what he may end up regretting or the both of you will end up regretting as husband and wife. And men, don’t listen to that woman that wants you to go above your budget or above what the two of you have budgeted for your wedding. If she thinks you are not up to her standard, perhaps she should check the next man next door. Marriage is not by force and expensive wedding should not be a tool to qualify how a man will take care of his wife.
Sometimes ago, a man in my compound wanted to get married. He wasn’t that rich a man; in fact, he owed the landlord for two years. For complete two years he was not able to pay his house rent, everybody in the compound knew that he was going through tough and hard times. Each time the landlord came around for his money, he would either give him one excuse or the other. Sometimes, he would run away from the house to avoid the landlord’s troubles. The landlord got tired of him. He could not come any more because of him. He had served him quit notice on several occasions and this man refused to pay him or pack away. He had threatened to pack all his properties outside to no avail. The day of his wedding, the hall was filled with people. It was a made-in-heaven-wedding, every one of us were surprised that he could spend such amount of money in a wedding when he still owes the landlord for two years.
Many dignitaries came around. Assorted food were available, serve yourself; eat whatsoever you want. The landlord was invited for the reception and we saw how surprised he was sitting down among us. After the wedding, the said man travelled to Dubai for his Honeymoon. When he came back from his honeymoon, it was the same compound he came back to. It doesn’t take time for the landlord to send for him. He was served quit notice which we later learnt that he came pleading with the landlord to give him more time to pay his bills but we all knew he was broke and he can’t pay the money. Some months later, he was dragged out of the compound after many court cases.
There is nothing wrong planning a made-in-heaven-wedding when the money is there but it becomes so wrong when after the wedding, you end up having nothing left for you and your husband to live on. You become broke and poorer. The gift collected might not be measured to the money spent. There is nothing wrong with making your bride feel like a queen on her special day but don’t do it if you don’t have the budget at hand. Don’t please anybody to displease yourself. Even those friends whom you wanted to show off to won’t be there when the fight will break out in the house. Handle things cleverly and manly.
The aftermath of things is what actually matters not what is in before us.
People are watching and the same people that advised you when you were planning the wedding to do it in a special way will still be the same people that will abuse you when after the wedding and you don’t have anything to take care of your wife; they would still be the same people that will make mockery of you on how tattered your wife is and how you were not taking care of her like a wife. The problem remains that you can’t please everyone, whether you wed your wife in a kiosk, people will talk about it; whether you wed her in a world class hotel or hall; people will still talk about it, even if it happens to be in an Airplane or in an aisle of gold and silver, people would see one good or bad thing to talk about. And no matter how you plan your wedding, on that day, people will still complain of not eating your wedding Rice and Chicken while others would eat to their satisfaction. The point here is that don’t engage yourself in an unnecessary expenses that would render you koboless after your wedding ceremony.
Furthermore, this issue of ladies convincing a man to do it this way or that way going against his will or plan is wrong. You have to know your man’s opinions on some certain things especially finances. Those things he may think is not necessary, try to listen to him. Don’t mount pressure on him to do it because Amaka did it in her wedding day. Even if you have the money to do it, I think you should reserve the money for other issues that might arise after the wedding. There are many issues that will arise after the wedding and you can’t escape it. I could remember one of my uncles borrowed a huge amount of money to do his wedding about five years ago. He wanted to make it ‘special’, a world class wedding and traditional marriage. He bought three hefty cows, bought unnecessary things that were not in the list that his in-laws gave to him. My mother cautioned him, people cautioned him but the man who is in love to please people, you cannot hold him back from what he has in mind to do. The wedding came and gone, those people he borrowed money from began to come one after the other. His businesses were not moving as he wanted. Hunger came and heavy rain began to fall in his house. There wasn’t a day that one man won’t come to make noise in our compound. At the end of the day, the so called wife left him when she realized that it was all pretense; the man she thought that had money was just a shadow of himself.
On a lighter note, why spend your life savings in the name of wedding that will last just for a day? Why put your life in jeopardy? Why create a false identity? There is no problem if the money is there to be spent; there is no problem if there are enough people to sponsor this mega Made-In-heaven-wedding. There is no problem if there’s money and enough supporters out there. There is no reason for love! You can’t show her how much you love her by lavishing cash on your wedding day; what if the money wasn’t there? Would she still love you? What if this money wasn’t there and you are wedding her in local church or hall; would she still be there? Remember those people that came for your wedding ceremony won’t be there in your marriage, spend less and plan for your union. The youths should be careful of this, don’t live above your income, and learn from other people’s mistakes even from your father’s experiences.
Question many things; question how it happened and why it happened. Planning a wedding is not a day thing but no matter what, don’t plan above your budget and don’t let any lady to convince you to do so just to show how much you love her. What is ahead is greater than what we see now. What matters is what you do after your wedding, after that proclamation in the church; after that vote of thanks when everyone else is leaving the wedding hall and your wife is either sitting or standing behind you, hugging excitedly those that came to celebrate with her.
©John Chizoba Vincent