Not Just Words

By Hope Ukaegbu 11 months ago

I couldn't do it! 

I thought my mind was made up about it already...after all, there seems to be nothing to live for anymore. 

I stared at those pills for God knows how long... I'm sure I counted them all a hundred times... Maybe more. 

One, two, five, ten, seventeen. Seventeen? I would have taken them all. I really would. And I never liked 'me pills.

But how did I get to this point? When did letting it all go with the pills become the only option? Closing my eyes to never open them again? Why? Has life gotten so bad that I have to seek the easy way out? Only Cowards do, they say. People who are not strong to face life... People who run away from life the slightest stress it brings them. "They are weak," they conclude. 

But are they really weak? What about us who can't even level up enough to take the pills? Us who are afraid to let go of life even when it keeps dealing with us? Are we not the weak ones? I mean, something is hurting you, what do you? Let it go right? And if you can't then you're weak, right? 

Truth is we're all cowards in this world. Prove me wrong and maybe I'll reconsider. You, tell me... Has life been good to you? No, tell me, have you achieved even a fragment of your hopes and dreams? You, you and you, please tell me you can beat your chest and say you are a success, that everything is alright, that you are proud of how your life has turned out. Did you get the wife or husband...or lover of your dreams? Hell, did the one you settled for turn out right for you? What about the money? What about peace?

Please, the world keeps finding ways to subdue us... What can we do about it? How long can we keep fighting it off? Hell, How long can we keep pretending not to notice? Truth be told, we all want it to end... But we are afraid to end it ourselves. Trust, after today, I'm so sure I can never end it myself, I'm too chicken to...the life that lies beyond is the reason.

Why suffer here and suffer there? Why not persevere? I mean, time heals all... Time put things into old and digs up the new. Sometimes, it might seem forever but it's just a day or two when you look back at it. They say the darkest hour is just before the morning comes...the time when you are so certain all hope is lost! But when you get to that time, do not give up... Because the light is coming... The new is about the corner waiting for you to walk into it.

I believe nothing stays the same forever, you don't believe me? Look in the mirror...Then look at your past. Don't give up, it will get well in time. 

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