Mother – that one word that cannot be defined in a single phrase; that one
word that embodies all the love a human being could possibly offer.
A mother is not just someone who gives birth to a child. If you ask me, a
mother represents the combination of feelings, behaviors and sacrifices
that occur while raising a child, whether the child is biologically hers or not.
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. Only
mothers can think of the future because they give birth to it in their
The love of a mother alone is enough to keep the doctor away when a
child is sick, Mothers are gods. Their presence in a child's life cannot be
But that was not the case for Imelda, she grew up void of such love, care
and affection. Raised by her father who, though not a military man made
the house a Regimented zone in a manner typical of trained army
personnels. Imelda was raised in a family of five, she happened to be the
last but one of her siblings; three boys and two girls. Imelda had little or
no memories of her mother. As an infant She could recollect her father
beat her mother and all Imelda could do was cry, she would cry her eyes out but that never for once made her father stop the lashes even for the
sake of the helpless child.
At the age of three she was already acquainted with domestic violence.
Such beatings became routine and no longer attracted the sympathy of
neighbours. Imelda’s little mind became unwittingly programmed with
resentment and sadness. That’s to be expected when a child is raised in
such a hostile environment.
The ENVIRONMENT that a child is raised is a key factor to the quality of life
the child will have growing up. It can negatively or positively affect all
domains of aw child’s development. Well, in this case, we need not say.
One day her mother in the midst of struggling for her dear life escaped
death by an inch, after her husband broke her head with a heavy metal
and blood gushed out like a running tap, She managed to run out, half
naked with her wrapper in hand. Before now Imelda’s mother has been
living intermittently in her own home, she would always come back for her
children but this time, her people warned that she should safe her life and
that they won’t be part of it if anything happens to her the umpteenth
time. She left her children and belongings which she cried everyday to take possession but her husband wouldn't let her step a foot in his house let
alone let her see her children.
Imelda lived with this since then and didn't know who to blame her father
or mother. This tragedy affected her performance in school and her self
esteem, feelings of abandonment, guilt, worry and blame, she was
struggling emotionally, anger and sadness were normal for her. When she
sees her classmates in school being picked up by their parents, she would
not help being bitter. The food she gets back to eat wasn’t there anymore,
her father would give her and her siblings money to buy food from a
restaurant close to their house, when that seemed more expensive, he
resorted to getting a house help which her job was to cook, clean and
wash. At that tender age they had to wake up to the reality of life. At age
eight, Imelda and her elder sister learnt how to cook, and slowly they had
no need for the house help.
Tragedy struck again, It was just the beginning of a new year when her
aunty called to break the cold news that made the celebration of the
season turn sour. Their mother’s death. At that instance, one could clearly
see fear and shock strolling around the room, everyone dropped dump,
tears and questions filled the remaining part of the time. Since her mother had separated from her father she had little or no idea how she was
fairing. Imelda felt her world come to stand still, when she thought she is
coming of age to take care of her mother. Imelda was eighteen she was
done with secondary education at that time. She couldn’t comprehend why
her world has been up and down, she wanted to give up, she wanted to
throw in the towel.
After years of fighting all these, she came to terms with herself, her inner
self kept telling her that better days are ahead backed with the teachings
from God’s word in her religious congregation. She found strength to keep
going, she got inspired knowing that her father and mother had chosen
their parts and she has the decision to choose hers, she got to understand
that she has the power to shape her future and she made the decision to
see life past what her past served her, she forgave her father and took
responsibility of her future. She vowed to have one of the best marriages
in the world, she vowed to raise a Godly home and love her husband and
children dearly, a quarrel free home she vowed to have.
She broke free from the shambles of hate, grudges and bitterness.
The damage a broken home poses on a child cannot be over emphasized,
but in our society we keep seeing divorce, the child’s emotions and
psychology is not considered. Some marriages last the distance; others fall
by the wayside. Today all you need to do is turn on the TV and you’ll hear
about couples in the limelight and out of the limelight who are getting
divorced, they seem to be getting divorced left, right and centre.
Kids get affected by divorce the most, more than the bickering adults and
feuding families. This effects may not be immediately evident. Some
feelings fester and then manifest in different ways – Negative ways:
LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE, DEPRESSION, ACADEMIC DEVELOPMENT,
EMOTIONAL TURMOIL, ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOR, IRRATIONAL FEARS AND
ANXIETY, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, STOPS KIDS BEING KIDS to mention a
Let’s marry for the right reasons, let’s make Godly homes, let’s love from
the heart, let’s build conducive environment for proper child development,
let’s build our children right because when we build them, we are building
our future, our nation and our generation.