Am I Really Good Enough?

By Diadem Eleana 5 weeks ago

You're Good Enough!

I stood in front of the over-dusty mirror in my room and all of a sudden I began to notice my odds and deformities, my flaws and my irregularities, including the ones I hadn't even noticed before. I was weak.

Let's have a quick flashback... 

Sometime last week, I got a phone call from one of my favorite girls and childhood friend, Sola. Sola just called to tell me she came into the country from the United States the previous week and of course, I was overwhelmed and too excited. It has been 5 years since she left for her Bachelor's Degree at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Massachusetts. I couldn't wait for us to meet, interact and recollect on some encounters.

We scheduled to hang out on Friday, the following week and that was it.

 

Fast-forward to Friday, Sola calls me to say we should get into some beach vibes and I'm like huh?

My brain was immediately flooded with thoughts. "Is Sola asking me to wear bikini?" 

"Has she suddenly forgotten how my stretch marks are like 'koboko' whips?"

"She should know I'm not instagram worthy na"

All these thoughts flood my head in less than a millisecond and I remember I was on a phone call. I reluctantly agreed :(

Since we had earlier agreed to not wear makeup, I hurried into the shower after carrying out my morning chores and quickly ordered a ride on Uber. Uber arrived in 5 minutes and I began my two-hour ride into the city of Lagos, Nigeria.

"Of course, It's summer, Hot girls Summer you know" - I remembered what Sola said and I giggled. Of course, I stupidly start to think I'm actually a "hot girl" - Looking through the side mirror with my large eyeballs bulging out of the sockets and the scar of the Ethiopian Plane Crash covering half of my face. Then a voice whispered to me: "You know you are so ugly and this hot girl summer won't fit you so why the hell did you agree to it or at least put on some makeup"

Along the road, I join Sola in her Uber and we move to the beach. We were so excited and I had just realized how much I missed her. Such a smart, jovial, funny and adventurous girl!

"She's a whole vibe," I thought to myself with the wide grin on my face, from ear to ear. 

We share experiences about our different cities and what we had missed out on for the past 5 years until we arrived at the Artic Beach, Lekki, Lagos.

Sola and I paid our tickets at the entrance of the beach and moved to our prepared camp bed by the ocean side to enjoy some ocean currents and waves. It was really some beach vibes you know.

 

Sola changed into this highlighted peach-colored bikini and guess what, It was perfect! The top bra fitting into her roundly upright and full breasts and the panty fitting perfectly on her "bubble butt" I swear she was bangingggg! And what about me?

Black "brezzear" and black pant on a black body. I suddenly lost all the confidence that managed to push me to the beach from my home and I was already drowning in low self-esteem. We eat and take pictures in my pretense state. She convinces me to upload some "fire pics"- as she calls them, on my Instagram page and I still reluctantly did. The thing about Sola y'all don't get is that she's persuasive so she just persuades you and -

I'm too gullible too

After a few hours I see mean comments like "Your belly folds can turn into a boat for you to paddle in the water", "Hot girl summer isn't for everyone you should know", "Hide your fupa girlll" and a lot more.

 

I shouldn't have uploaded those pictures. I'm broken, like not just my heart, but all of me. 

 

Y'all already know what it is and that's is exactly the occasion behind the trauma I'm facing now. I lay back on my bed facing up while tears roll to my ears soaking my pillow."Now it is clear that I really do not have any worth", I said to myself.

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Diadem Eleana
@DiademEleana
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