Bros J: The Second Rebellion By Olatunji Triumph Tega
POSTED 04/15/2018 15:58:33
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Lucifer looked up at Archangel Michael as he lay sprawled at the gates to the celestial city with an extremely sharp blade cutting into his throat. Seeing the righteous rage Michael was in, he wouldn't put it past the leader of the warrior angels to mar his beautiful face and say it was an accident.
Lucifer sighed. Just how had he gotten to this point? Oh yes he could remember. It was those two scheming gods from the pantheons who had landed him in this hot water. His mind traveled back to when it had begun.
Time: Three months earlier
"Your evilnessss... Ssssomething hass happened. There are two divine beingss at the gatesss. They sseek your audience."
A pathetic specimen of demon slithered up to the prince of darkness to report the strange event. If one had paid any attention to the creature after getting past one's revulsion, one would have seen that it was quaking in terror.
It was Nybras's first time before the devil, and word on the grapevine was, no messenger ever left his presence alive. Not even when there was good news. So you see how and why Nybras was probably shaking enough to split his scales. As an inferior demon of hell, he was practically like sand. Useless.
But for once, Lucifer Lightbringer was excited enough that his glorious wings unfurled. He rarely lost control like this unless a particularly stubborn "born-again" had fallen.
"You said what??? Divine beings who actually seek my presence and do not barge in like they own the prison? I must see them." Just like that, the prince was gone!
Nybras was giddy with relief. He didn't perish! He was about turning to go hide in the flames when he heard a melodiously sibilant voice speak out. Agrat-bat-mahlaht – One of Satan’s wives and demoness of whores, looked at the cowering demon and smirked.
"We've got to keep up appearances right? Can't have the denizens thinking he's going soft." Nybras was wiped off the plane of existence before he even registered what she'd said.
At the gates of hell, Indra was whispering his doubt about the usefulness of their visit to his pal Odin, when Lucifer appeared.
"Ahem Luce... Uh... How are things here? We'd would really love to talk with you about a proposition."
"The term proposition has a broad use in contemporary analytic philosophy. It is used to refer to the objects of belief and other "propositional attitudes" and the meanings of declarative sentences. As such, it would remain best if I determined if what you have to say is a proposition or not. And do not ever call me Luce. Only my brothers can do that."
"Okay okay... Let's calm down and I'll tell you what we're here for."
"Proceed with efficient use of articulation and time."
Indra threw Odin a look as if to say...
"Is this one okay?"
Odin pressed forward.
"We've found a way to break down the gates to the holy city. The only hitch is that none of the parties involved is strong enough to wield this weapon in battle as its origin is very alien to us."
Lucifer was stunned. But then he quickly put on his poker face. (The best in the world. He invented gambling after all.) He leaned back against the gates and smirked.
"In the event that this preposterous and ludicrously laughable situation is true, what exactly might this purportedly powerful weapon be?"
"Why, tis none other than the flaming sword itself. Put in Uriel's keep to guard the garden of Eden. We've finally found it."
Odin and Indra roared with laughter as they watched the emotions play roulette on Lucifer's face.
"But but if t-thats true, then it means no being save for a Celestial angel can touch it. That sword is said to be capable of causing cataclysmic – what am saying sef? That sword can destroy the earth if the wielder so wishes!"
"Yes... And we are ready to give it to you."
It was the turn of the two divine beings to smirk confidently. He would never turn such an opportunity down.
"Very well then, what do I have to do?"
"Nothing... As long as you're able to overthrow that Jesus and his kingdom then we're good."
"Gentlemen... You have yourselves a deal with the devil."
With that, the meeting was over and everyone was off to imagining a Christianity free earth.
Time: One and a half months after the meeting.
Location: The strategy room, Hell.
Agaliarept, Abigor and the other warrior type demons were seated on one side of a nine foot wide bone table. They were busy trying to brush up on strategies that hadn't been since the first war ever. On the other side of the table, Lucifer sat with Abaddon by his side trying to figure out exactly when and where to use the flaming sword. After weeks of debating and arguments and a few severed heads, Lucifer shouted in a hoarse voice.
"We attack in a month's time!"
Time: Three minutes before Lucifer found himself tasting heavenly dust from Michael's sandals.
Location: The beautiful pearly gates of heaven.
Lucifer turned back to look at his mighty army. He didn't need to raise their morale any higher. He simply turned and flew towards the gates, the flaming sword leaving huge trails of fire.
"Charge!" Was all that was needed to work the demons into a frenzy as the horde began to rush forward.
"Stop." Was all that was needed to send them scampering away back to the lake of fire in a massive stampede.
"What a-are yo-"
Lucifer was interrupted by a celestial fist knocking him senseless.
One blow from Michael had ended the "War". One blow.
Taking Lucifer by the leg, he flung him deep into the eternal lake of fire and dusted his hands.
"Where is my coffee!"
Back on earth in the Pantheon Hall, Bros J was busy making arrangements for Christmas day's celebrations.
"Ehen... Odin and Osiris, make una carry my goody bag now. Na una go follow me go earth go drop blessings for my children them. Poseidon, Zeus abi na Hades, make una start to make sure rain nor go fall tomorrow oh... I nor wan hear story. Wait fess... Wey that Indra... Where him dey, I need person to wash my manger. You say? Him never finish to dey wash the toilet wey I give am to wash since? Na which kind parole be that one na? Na me send am message?" Curtain closes.
A/N: I'd like to expressly state that this a work of imagination and fiction. (Obviously.) I do not harbor ill intentions towards any particular faith you might be leaning to. This world is big enough to accommodate us.
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